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It may surprise you, but there was a time when I preferred to be left alone. Truth is a lot of the time I still do. Some of us like our solitude. However, I’ve learned over time that relationships are not only more important than I ever thought, but are also necessary to a well-adjusted life.
Last month was the 15th running of the George Sheehan 5K Classic in Red Bank, N.J. Dr. George Sheehan has been one of my mentors for years. He is best known for his philosophical writings about the sport of running.
I’ll always remember my very first marathon in 1985. The next day I sat in my easy chair at home reading Sheehan’s book, “Running and Being.”
George and I were one that day as I basked in the fulfillment of a life dream that I never really believed possible but was now a reality. I was a marathoner!
The next year I returned to the Dallas White Rock Marathon to do it again. But this time it wasn’t the marathon that drew me as much as knowing that George Sheehan was the scheduled speaker at the pre-race banquet. I wanted to see and hear my mentor.
During dinner Sheehan walked past our table. I could have touched him. He looked right at me but didn’t speak. There was a look of uneasiness on his face. You would normally expect a man of his reputation and stature to have an air of confidence about him.
But, I wasn’t surprised because earlier that year I read his column in Runner’s World magazine. George admitted that he was one of those people who only tolerated social functions. He much preferred to be alone. My heart leaped when I read this. Finally, someone who understands me and gives me permission to avoid relationships. So, on this night when George walked past me and didn’t speak, neither did I. Once again, Sheehan and I were one.
Imagine my dismay less than a year later when George wrote another column confessing he had been wrong all this time. Prostate cancer forced him to rethink the importance of friends and family. He regretted his neglect of both and recommitted the rest of his life to nurturing relationships. George died on Nov. 1, 1993. I wish I had spoken to him when I had the chance.
Recently, I had some worrisome health problems of my own. I’m better now, but I was caught off guard by the support, care, and attention from so many people. They have held me up without my even asking. In spite of my tendency to aloofness, people are insisting on connecting with me. I had no idea I have so many friends. They have demonstrated how important it is to stay connected, and I’m better for it.
Genuine relationships are our most important opportunities. Don’t let them slip by without speaking.
Lane Johnson, M.Div., LPC, is a licensed counselor and life coach. He welcomes your comments. You can contact him by e-mail at lane@StrategicConnectionGroup.com.